Let’s explore the five stages of grief. Humans feel grief when they lose something or anticipate a loss. This grieving process is called bereavement, and within bereavement, there are five stages of grief. During bereavement, one can sequentially experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
1. Definition of Grief
Before discussing the five stages of grief, let’s define what grief is and its forms.
1) What is Grief?
The dictionary definition of Grief is a sad heart or feeling, and most people experience this emotionally painful emotion in response to personal loss.
Loss is perceived by the individual, which can be a tangible loss (such as the death of a loved one or loss of personal belongings) that others can verify, or it may be something more personal and less tangible (like the loss of femininity after a mastectomy) that only the individual can perceive.
Any situation that brings about change in an individual can be considered a loss, and failures are also viewed as losses.
2) Forms of Grief
The loss or anticipated loss of something valuable to a person can provoke a bereavement response, which is characterized by a period of sorrow and lamentation known as mourning.
Reactions such as grief, guilt, anger, helplessness, hopelessness, and despair are normal and adaptive responses to mourning. In fact, the absence of mourning following a loss can be considered maladaptive.
2. Five Stages of Grief : The Bereavement Process
The five stages of grief can be seen as the process of bereavement, divided into denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Not everyone goes through the five stages of grief in response to a loss, and these stages do not necessarily occur in order.
1) Stage 1 : Denial
Denial, the first stage of the five stages of grief, is a phase of shock and disbelief. In the denial stage, one might react by saying, “This can’t be true,” and refuse to accept the reality of the loss.
Denial serves as a protective mechanism that allows the individual to cope within an immediate timeframe while organizing a more effective defense strategy.
2) Stage 2 : Anger
Anger, the second stage of the five stages of grief, involves feelings of envy and unfairness towards those who have not experienced the loss. During this time, one might react with questions like, “Why me?” or “It’s not fair.”
This anger can be directed towards oneself, loved ones, caregivers, or even a deity. There may also be an idealization of the lost entity.
3) Stage 3 : Bargaining
Bargaining, the third stage of the five stages of grief, involves attempts to reverse or postpone the loss. This stage is not always visible to others and may involve making bargains with a deity.
One might react by saying, “If God helps me through this, I’ll go to church every Sunday and volunteer to help others.”
4) Stage 4: Depression
Depression, the fourth stage of the five stages of grief, is when one fully experiences the impact of the loss. Feelings of loss become intense, and feelings of sadness and depression prevail.
This is a quiet phase of resignation and liberation from everything associated with the lost object. Unlike pathological depression that can fixate a person in the early stages of grief, this stage signifies progress towards resolution.
5) Stage 5: Acceptance
Acceptance, the final stage of the five stages of grief, is a quiet time of anticipation and resignation regarding the loss that brings a sense of peace.
This stage allows focusing on the actual situation of the loss and its meaning for those affected.
3. Other Grief Reactions
To further understand grief reactions, let’s explore anticipated grief, resolution, and maladaptive grief responses.
1) Anticipated Grief
When a loss is anticipated, people may begin to experience profound sadness before the actual loss occurs.
While most people will re-experience mourning behaviors when the loss occurs, having time to prepare for the loss can facilitate the mourning process and actually reduce the response time and intensity.
Especially when the death of a loved one is anticipated, families experiencing anticipated grief and early mourning processes can face problems.
If individuals emotionally detach from a deceased person and experience feelings of rejection from someone they once loved, psychological support may be crucial.
2) Resolution
The grief response can last from a few weeks to several years. The process should not be rushed, and each individual should be allowed to progress at their own pace.
When a loved one is lost, bereavement typically lasts at least a year, including experiencing anniversaries without the loved one for the first time.
The bereavement process can be prolonged by various factors. If the relationship with the lost object was ambivalent or filled with love-hate dynamics, the response to the loss can be heavier with feelings of guilt.
Guilt can exacerbate the bereavement response by fostering anger towards oneself for wrongdoing or unacceptable behavior towards the deceased. The bereaved may feel that their actions contributed to the loss.
The mourning process concludes when the bereaved can redefine their life without the lost person or object, pursue new interests and relationships, and return as a whole entity. They endure and survive disintegration and emotional pain.
Attachment to the lost object can be replaced by the strength and desire to pursue new situations and relationships. However, most grief does not disappear forever and can reappear in response to triggers such as anniversaries.
3) Maladaptive Grief Responses
Maladaptive grief responses occur when the stages of bereavement for resolution are not satisfactorily processed.
These responses typically arise when individuals become fixated during the denial or anger stages of the bereavement process, and some forms of grief response have been identified as pathological.
Maladaptive grief responses include prolonged, delayed, suppressed, or distorted reactions.
① Prolonged Responses :
Prolonged responses are characterized by intense immersion in memories of the lost object for years after the loss, exhibiting behaviors associated with denial or anger, functional disintegration, and intense emotional pain related to the loss.
② Delayed or Suppressed Responses :
Delayed or suppressed responses involve fixation at the denial stage of the bereavement process. While not experiencing emotional distress related to the loss, anxiety disorders, sleep, or eating disorders may manifest.
Individuals can remain in denial for years until a bereavement response is triggered by something that reminds them of the loss or by another unrelated loss.
③ Distorted Responses :
Individuals experiencing distorted responses are fixated at the anger stage of bereavement.
In distorted responses, feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, sadness, anger, and guilt associated with grief can be greatly exaggerated.
Individuals who internalize their anger may be overwhelmed by despair, struggle with normal daily activities, and pathological depression can be seen as a distorted grief response.
4. Conclusion and Q&A
We have explored what sadness is and how the five stages of grief progress. Below, we will address frequently asked questions and summarize the key points.
1) What does sadness mean?
Sadness refers to the sorrowful and bitter emotions that arise from the loss of something. This characteristic emotional and behavioral period is called mourning, during which one might experience feelings like sadness, guilt, anger, helplessness, hopelessness, and despair.
2) In what order do five stages of grief progress?
Five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, the process can vary from person to person and may not necessarily occur in this order.
If you are curious about the next part on therapeutic communication concepts, or want to learn about mindfulness meditation, a technique to cope with intense sad emotions, check out the article below!
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